"There is a season - turn, turn, turn And a time for every purpose under heaven"

Dear Friends,

It has been a while!  I haven't written a post since June and here it is almost Christmas. Since my last post, I have been blessed to start a Master's Program in Christian Studies!
I LOVE IT!!!
Many of you had a hand in getting me here and I thank you. What a blessing it has been for me.  I have been reminded of younger days when I would soak in God's Word.This program has been a great blessing for many reasons. One reason is because once again struggle has hit my family since last summer.  God was and is at work doing great things for our good and for His glory however.  God is infamous for bringing His Light into the darkness.

When I think of the cross, my heart grieves deeply.  I cannot watch any scene in a movie where my forever loving Savior is being tortured and killed.  I simply cannot bear it.  Could I bear watching this happen to my husband? There's no way.  However, God brought joy to this world out of that horrific event in history.

This is what God does when struggle and pain shows up in our lives when we rest in His presence.  It is unwise for me to share what has occurred in the last six months.  I will share that the Lord provided a great need that was nearly taken away from my family. He has also been at work in the heart of one of His children in a most challenging environment.  The last struggle is still being worked out in God's good and perfect timing.

If any of you have read some of my earlier posts, you'll remember that I shared a season of incredible struggle back in 2007.  In that season, I raged at God.  The stories others shared about trials and how close they felt to the Lord were nonsense to me.  I had never felt further.

The difference in this season of trial revolves around one huge difference: my closeness to Jesus.  In 2007 my heart was not close to Him and yet He still delivered us.  In this season, I understand others when they share how close they feel to the Lord when trials hit.  Once again, from my experience, bitterness or peacefulness of spirit revolve around one's nearness to Christ.

This holiday season, wherever you are in your journey with Christ, remember that He is doing the same work in all of us.  He is drawing us nearer to Himself.  We never "arrive" on this earth; we will always deal with seasons of struggle while on this earth.  God is always at work however.  His love is forever faithful.  We can trust Him.  I pray that you do.

Much love, ash

A Psalm of David
     "I will give You thanks with all my heart; I will sing praises to You before the gods. I will bow                               down towards Your holy temple and give thanks for Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth.."
-Psalms 138:1 & 2

Charlie Brown Christmas

Happy Father's Day!

In 1992, when I started high school, no one had a cell phone, but they did have car phones the size of Montana. Since the days of Nirvana and Sir Mix A-Lot, a lot has changed. I read an interesting article in USA Today about the changes in the US over the last 20 years. One change is men are living longer! There were lots of other great facts, but I really like this one. The 85+ population of men increased from 1.2% in 1990 to 1.8% in 2010.  Be encouraged! News on not dying is a good thing!

I am blessed to have a loving and supportive husband, dad, step-dad, and father-in-law.  I like the idea of keeping them around a few more years.  Men can be great and still make unwise decisions.  My dad is a wonderful man but he can worry me.  I have to remind him that “tinkerin'" with the foundation of his house is a bad idea.  I don’t care how much the house is “tiltin’”.

Me: I love you.  I don’t want the house to crush the life out of you.

Dad: I take my cell phone.

Me: I feel much better…what?

I love my dad.

Most would agree that having a great dad is important.  My husband, son, and I are all blessed to have great dads.  I hope we all know men who put time, energy, and effort into loving and caring for their families.  Great dads don’t always get the attention and recognition they deserve.  To the men who are working hard to be great dads and husbands: thank you.

   

I believe that great dads make society better.  It’s hard to be great at anything when you’re not being encouraged though.  Encouragement is a great motivator.  I love the quote by Morgan Freeman in the movie Glory when he tells the troops to, “Ante up and kick in like men. LIKE MEN!” To the dads who are kicking in like men, thank you!  To the dads that are not: ante up, yo.

Men are living longer now.  I think that’s great.  Having said that, I think women should get some credit for this addendum to life.  Without women, men would crawl under their house with a car jack and rely on their cell phone to protect them from being crushed by a house.  Twenty years ago they would have been S.O.L

Happy Father's Day!!!  

Thank you for smoking?

One of the many reasons why I love Jesus is found in Luke 7: 36-48.  I highly encourage you to spend some time reading these 12 verses.  It's the story of Jesus dining with a Pharisee when a "sinner" shows up.  The response we see out of Jesus is beautiful.  When Jesus entered the Pharisee's house, a person approaches him from behind and then fell at His feet.  With tears and a vile of perfume, the sinner washes Jesus' feet.  Luke shares that the woman continued to wet His feet with her tears and wipe them away with her hair.

All throughout the gospels we see intentionality in Christ.  We see Him constantly pulling His disciples away and teaching them eternal things within their immediate circumstance.  Jesus is still intentional in our lives.  Regarding intentionality, I find it interesting to see Jesus dining with a Pharisee.  The only other time I recall Him doing this is when He didn't wash His hands before eating and the Pharisee freaked out.  In Luke 7, we see Jesus teach us that one who is forgiven much, loves much.  I think Christ's intention in dining with this Pharisee was to meet this person whose sins were "many"and to teach a religious man an important lesson in grace.

When I think of someone walking up and standing behind a person I think either, A) a serial killer, (my husband read a lot of true crime) B) my mother trying to "fix" my hair, or C) someone who is fearful and perhaps shameful.  Based on the text, the latter is likely for this woman.  Before Jesus can turn around, she is on the floor weeping at his feet.  I understand shame and the affects of it.  As I have shared before, cigarettes come in and out of my life as a struggle.  When things are tense, that's what I want.  As a mother, the shame is overwhelming when I lose that struggle.  I feel like a crappy Christian as well.  I have shared with my Sunday school class about how this struggle interrupts my walk with Jesus on occasion.  The Enemy gets a lot of milage out of this struggle in my life.  The good that comes from it is that I am acutely aware of how weak I am and how great my need for Christ is.  When there is victory over temptation, I know full well where my strength came from.  I wish I struggled with eating too much chocolate though.  I think there would be less shame.  Maybe not. 

Just as this sinner approached Jesus in a shameful state, the pain that is caused by sin is meant to lead us to the exact spot seen in Luke 7:36-48.  It is meant to bring us to Christ.  As the Pharisee sat and watched this unfold, I seriously doubt he expected a rebuke coming his way.  Jesus rebuked the Pharisee however, the man who invited him to dine in his home, and gave grace to an uninvited sinner.  Jesus answered this man's dinner request because He had one agenda.  In John 6:35-36 & 38-39, Jesus says, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst."  "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me." "For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life...".  He states our need for Him on earth (hunger and thirst), and our need for Him eternally.  

Things have been rough lately for my family.  I've had some physical struggles that included an ulcer, an insufficient gall bladder, and two bulging discs in my back.  Praise God that the gall bladder has been removed and I am receiving treatment for the ulcer and my back.  Our company, Just Like Dad's, has also been set aside leaving my husband out of work.  He is still looking for a job.  All these things cause stress.  As a mother, I have strong opinions on how I want my son raised.  I want to stay home with him to continually care for the seeds his Father and I have planted.  My prayer lately has been that the Lord would lavish His grace on us for whatever comes our way and that I would praise Him regardless of our circumstance.  I want to trust Him when things are rough and temptation knocks on my door.  I want to trust Him always.  I have felt like this sinner many times throughout my life.  I look to her example on how I am to respond to temptation.  We were created to know God.  We were created to know our Creator yet sin cripples us in that pursuit.  I pray that we all look to this woman and see her strength and courage to surrender her will and bow before the King.  

I praise God for showing us through Christ how much He loves the unlovely.  When you see a mother smoking in front of her child, say a prayer for her and her family.  Say a prayer for me as well for I am not beyond that level of selfishness.  Sin and temptation creep into our lives with the goal to rule it.  May this never be.  In all of Jesus' actions, we see the will of the Father.  In this story, I see a God who loves the broken.  I see a God who loves the weak.  I see a God who loves to see His Son worshiped.  I also see how the proud offend Him.  The proud miss the beauty of a repentant sinner.

Would anyone like to share how Christ has freed them from a struggle? My faith would be greatly encouraged.  

* I forgot to mention that I have been accepted into Union University to earn my Master's in Christian Studies!!!  Please pray for me as I pursue scholarships and grants!!  I'm also fairly certain that they don't have a smoking section so keep me in your prayers there as well.  Can you imagine someone studying Systematic Theology while puffing on a cigarette?  I can.  Pray for me. Much love!!!

Am I going to seminary?

I was a horrible student when I was younger.  I rarely went to class and when I did, all I wanted to do was talk to the people around me and make them laugh.  I loved study groups for the same reason.  I remember on several occasions I would drop my friend off at school, turn the car around, and drive home to go to bed.  My friend would always ask me where I went and I would tell her that I tripped in the parking lot. I said this with one eye crossed to communicate that I was an idiot which made her laugh.  This tactic worked on several occassions.  Feel free to use it.

Even though I was a terrible student, I dreamed of going to Dallas Theological Seminary.  I went to several classes with friends who were enrolled and loved it.  This dream started to wain as I got older.  As I started struggling spiritually, my loving Savior got pushed under the rug along with my desire to go to seminary.

Having said all that, I have applied to the Christian Studies program at Union University!   Not sure they'll except me because, A) my GPA is crap and B) I cuss when I hit my toe on something.  

I am so thankful that God is compassionate.  I started writing this blog a year ago and can read back on His faithfulness in my life.  Outside of my crap GPA, going to seminary right now seems tenuous simply from a financial standpoint.  Evan and I are in the midst of some life changes.  My husband and I own a company called Just Like Dad's that his father started.  It's a children's gift and apparel company.  Last February, doors were opening for us to start it up again.  Unfortunately, we have struggled to get our company up and running.  We trust the Lord and hope that one day Just Like Dad's has it's turn in the marketplace.  Because of all of this, Evan and I are pursuing other means of employment.

Times like this are hard for me to trust the Lord.  Will He provide?  I'm reminded that He cares for stinky birds so He will care for us.  My husband is so talented that any company would be blessed to have him.  I trust that he will find something and it will be something he enjoys; that is my hope for him.

  

With all this uncertainty, the thought of applying to seminary seemed a bit nuts but I did it anyway.  I was encouraged to apply and so I did.  Will they accept me?  Will they take a post-dated check for 2020?  These are questions I don't have the answers to but I will trust the Lord.  

I have been reading Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning.  I want to share a section I read this morning.  This devotional starts with a story of a man walking with his uncle along Lake Killarney in Ireland.  His uncle was celebrating his 80th birthday and as they walked along the lakeside the nephew turned to his uncle and said,

"Uncle Seamus, you look very happy." "I am." Ed asked, "How come?" And his uncle replied, "The Father of Jesus is very fond of me."

Manning goes on to share that if we truly believed that the Father is fond of us, there would be a serenity, a relaxedness, and a compassionate attitude towards ourselves that is a reflection of the Father's own tenderness. 

Life can be very unsettling but we have a Father who is fond of us.  I feel uncertain about a lot of things right now but I am certain that God is alive and active in my families life.  This blog is a story of His unfailing love and that increases my faith.  Whatever you may be fearful of, I pray that you would put your weight on the grace that is lavished upon you.  The fact that I am even applying to seminary is evidence of His hand in my life.  If nothing comes of it, that's fine. I am just thankful to be close to my Savior again.  By His grace, I will never push Him under the rug again.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23