Have you ever looked back on a situation in your life that was incredibly frustrating and embarrassing only to find it hilarious and worth blogging about later? Me too!
My son and I have had some fun adventures in Murfreesboro. We are now living in Knoxville and love it. However, an afternoon came to mind recently from our time in the 'boro that was very embarrassing and remains embarrassing to this very day. I thought I'd share.
Where we lived before moving to Knoxville was walking distance to two parks, the square and the library. The library was about half a mile away. This was always a rough one for me. Evan Jr. rode in his stoller which was so lazy. He always looks great btw because we got super cute hand-me-downs from a former boss. There is no symmetry in how my son and I dress. I like wearing hippie summer dresses with my hair in a pony tail and little to no makeup or sweats and a t-shirt with a baseball cap on. Dresses are best in the summer because you don't have to match and they're cooler. My son usually looks like he just stepped out of a J-Crew ad whereas I look like I just stepped out of Goodwill. I have no problem with this but I need to set the stage for a particular afternoon where Evan and I walked/strolled to the library.
It was an insanely hot and humid day. Sultry. Very sultry. Before leaving for the library I made myself a smoothie with blueberries, flax seed, and spinach. There were other ingrediants but they don't pertain to the story. Evan's all dressed in his polo and khakis while I looked nothing like that. I had my smoothie and breezy sundress on. I felt great until I took 5 steps into the sun. The bad thing about sundresses is that if you have big legs and you don't put baby powered on, you could literally catch yourself on fire going for a walk. I am such a person. About 10 steps in my Toms deodorant started evaporating. I was stupid for not turning back. We pressed on. Thankfully I had my healthy smoothie to keep me cool while I pushed my son down the street trying not to catch on fire. I looked around the stroller to see my son enjoying the breeze that is offered to one who strolls. I forced a smile but was so uncomfortable and sweaty I thought I might grow mushrooms. As I flashed him a toothy grin with the lazy eye I had somehow developed, Evan returned my kindness with a look of disgust. I remember thinking that was crappy of him.
We finally got to the library. Just to be cruel, there was a beautiful water fountain out front. I stared at it. I wanted to be in it. The water was so watery and full of water! Once again, my son looked up at me as a mushroom popped out of my forehead. It was so humid! Why couldn't I get in the water? I was already growing mushrooms! My hair was completely frizzed out like I was touching one of those static balls at the science museum. I couldn't look anymore insane. But of course I could.
We got inside the library and it was glorious. AC falling from the heavens. I handed over my library card and gave the lady a huge smile. The lady gave me the same face my son did when I smiled at him. Everyone needs to chill out! People get sweaty! People sweat their lipstick off! We walked into the large room where they were having story time. I usually stop by the ladies room before going in but we were late and I just wanted to sit down. The adults who are at story time are 97% stay-home moms like me. They always look beautiful and I always look like a nanny caring for someone else's rich kid. This usually doesn't bother me because the moms are always/usually very nice. But this afternoon I was feeling insecure. As we sat there, I could feel my sweat drying. Glorious. The mushrooms rescinding. Glorious again. I was just starting to feel comfortable. I turned to another mom and gave her a big smile. When I got the same face my son and the librarian had given me I got super defensive. I told her off (in my head)! "Listen up you snotty stay home mom! I walked here because I care about the planet! Good luck sleeping knowing your giant carbon SUV footprint stomped you and your kid here! Earth loves me and hates you! I bet you don't even recycle! You're just a conformist and probably do things like iron your clothes and "do" your hair, whatever that means!"
I had to calm down. I sat there and enjoyed the last sip of my health smoothie. I looked down at the bottom of my NiNja blending cup and saw all the seeds and spinach at the bottom. Seeds. Blueberry seeds, flax seeds and green spinach. Every time I have a smoothie I have to pick all that stuff out of my teeth. I hadn't taken the time to do that on this particular afternoon. From the first sip to the last, my teeth had been hoarding seeds and spinach like the apocalypse was coming. Every smile I gave was chuck full of earth. Fruit, flax and spinach had been greeting people all afternoon. Let us not forget that I was also Toms free now (stupid organic deodorant that I still use!) with hair that looked like sputnik ("spherical but quite pointy at parts"). I was a mess.
I finished out story time trying to discreetly pick seeds out of my teeth while Evan clapped and sang along with the other children to the cat puppet on stage. As a side note, if you're going to do a puppet show, at least get behind a table or something. Standing there with a sock on your hand is just lazy and stupid. Anyway, I was able to go unnoticed only because the amateur puppet, was shockingly mesmerizing. Everyone in the room seemed to be under its spell. When it was all over, I knew what awaited me. We had to walk back. Somehow we made it home. I threw myself into the shower and was never heard from again.
Not really, I've just always wanted to say that. :)
