Thank you for smoking?

One of the many reasons why I love Jesus is found in Luke 7: 36-48.  I highly encourage you to spend some time reading these 12 verses.  It's the story of Jesus dining with a Pharisee when a "sinner" shows up.  The response we see out of Jesus is beautiful.  When Jesus entered the Pharisee's house, a person approaches him from behind and then fell at His feet.  With tears and a vile of perfume, the sinner washes Jesus' feet.  Luke shares that the woman continued to wet His feet with her tears and wipe them away with her hair.

All throughout the gospels we see intentionality in Christ.  We see Him constantly pulling His disciples away and teaching them eternal things within their immediate circumstance.  Jesus is still intentional in our lives.  Regarding intentionality, I find it interesting to see Jesus dining with a Pharisee.  The only other time I recall Him doing this is when He didn't wash His hands before eating and the Pharisee freaked out.  In Luke 7, we see Jesus teach us that one who is forgiven much, loves much.  I think Christ's intention in dining with this Pharisee was to meet this person whose sins were "many"and to teach a religious man an important lesson in grace.

When I think of someone walking up and standing behind a person I think either, A) a serial killer, (my husband read a lot of true crime) B) my mother trying to "fix" my hair, or C) someone who is fearful and perhaps shameful.  Based on the text, the latter is likely for this woman.  Before Jesus can turn around, she is on the floor weeping at his feet.  I understand shame and the affects of it.  As I have shared before, cigarettes come in and out of my life as a struggle.  When things are tense, that's what I want.  As a mother, the shame is overwhelming when I lose that struggle.  I feel like a crappy Christian as well.  I have shared with my Sunday school class about how this struggle interrupts my walk with Jesus on occasion.  The Enemy gets a lot of milage out of this struggle in my life.  The good that comes from it is that I am acutely aware of how weak I am and how great my need for Christ is.  When there is victory over temptation, I know full well where my strength came from.  I wish I struggled with eating too much chocolate though.  I think there would be less shame.  Maybe not. 

Just as this sinner approached Jesus in a shameful state, the pain that is caused by sin is meant to lead us to the exact spot seen in Luke 7:36-48.  It is meant to bring us to Christ.  As the Pharisee sat and watched this unfold, I seriously doubt he expected a rebuke coming his way.  Jesus rebuked the Pharisee however, the man who invited him to dine in his home, and gave grace to an uninvited sinner.  Jesus answered this man's dinner request because He had one agenda.  In John 6:35-36 & 38-39, Jesus says, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst."  "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me." "For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life...".  He states our need for Him on earth (hunger and thirst), and our need for Him eternally.  

Things have been rough lately for my family.  I've had some physical struggles that included an ulcer, an insufficient gall bladder, and two bulging discs in my back.  Praise God that the gall bladder has been removed and I am receiving treatment for the ulcer and my back.  Our company, Just Like Dad's, has also been set aside leaving my husband out of work.  He is still looking for a job.  All these things cause stress.  As a mother, I have strong opinions on how I want my son raised.  I want to stay home with him to continually care for the seeds his Father and I have planted.  My prayer lately has been that the Lord would lavish His grace on us for whatever comes our way and that I would praise Him regardless of our circumstance.  I want to trust Him when things are rough and temptation knocks on my door.  I want to trust Him always.  I have felt like this sinner many times throughout my life.  I look to her example on how I am to respond to temptation.  We were created to know God.  We were created to know our Creator yet sin cripples us in that pursuit.  I pray that we all look to this woman and see her strength and courage to surrender her will and bow before the King.  

I praise God for showing us through Christ how much He loves the unlovely.  When you see a mother smoking in front of her child, say a prayer for her and her family.  Say a prayer for me as well for I am not beyond that level of selfishness.  Sin and temptation creep into our lives with the goal to rule it.  May this never be.  In all of Jesus' actions, we see the will of the Father.  In this story, I see a God who loves the broken.  I see a God who loves the weak.  I see a God who loves to see His Son worshiped.  I also see how the proud offend Him.  The proud miss the beauty of a repentant sinner.

Would anyone like to share how Christ has freed them from a struggle? My faith would be greatly encouraged.  

* I forgot to mention that I have been accepted into Union University to earn my Master's in Christian Studies!!!  Please pray for me as I pursue scholarships and grants!!  I'm also fairly certain that they don't have a smoking section so keep me in your prayers there as well.  Can you imagine someone studying Systematic Theology while puffing on a cigarette?  I can.  Pray for me. Much love!!!

Am I going to seminary?

I was a horrible student when I was younger.  I rarely went to class and when I did, all I wanted to do was talk to the people around me and make them laugh.  I loved study groups for the same reason.  I remember on several occasions I would drop my friend off at school, turn the car around, and drive home to go to bed.  My friend would always ask me where I went and I would tell her that I tripped in the parking lot. I said this with one eye crossed to communicate that I was an idiot which made her laugh.  This tactic worked on several occassions.  Feel free to use it.

Even though I was a terrible student, I dreamed of going to Dallas Theological Seminary.  I went to several classes with friends who were enrolled and loved it.  This dream started to wain as I got older.  As I started struggling spiritually, my loving Savior got pushed under the rug along with my desire to go to seminary.

Having said all that, I have applied to the Christian Studies program at Union University!   Not sure they'll except me because, A) my GPA is crap and B) I cuss when I hit my toe on something.  

I am so thankful that God is compassionate.  I started writing this blog a year ago and can read back on His faithfulness in my life.  Outside of my crap GPA, going to seminary right now seems tenuous simply from a financial standpoint.  Evan and I are in the midst of some life changes.  My husband and I own a company called Just Like Dad's that his father started.  It's a children's gift and apparel company.  Last February, doors were opening for us to start it up again.  Unfortunately, we have struggled to get our company up and running.  We trust the Lord and hope that one day Just Like Dad's has it's turn in the marketplace.  Because of all of this, Evan and I are pursuing other means of employment.

Times like this are hard for me to trust the Lord.  Will He provide?  I'm reminded that He cares for stinky birds so He will care for us.  My husband is so talented that any company would be blessed to have him.  I trust that he will find something and it will be something he enjoys; that is my hope for him.

  

With all this uncertainty, the thought of applying to seminary seemed a bit nuts but I did it anyway.  I was encouraged to apply and so I did.  Will they accept me?  Will they take a post-dated check for 2020?  These are questions I don't have the answers to but I will trust the Lord.  

I have been reading Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning.  I want to share a section I read this morning.  This devotional starts with a story of a man walking with his uncle along Lake Killarney in Ireland.  His uncle was celebrating his 80th birthday and as they walked along the lakeside the nephew turned to his uncle and said,

"Uncle Seamus, you look very happy." "I am." Ed asked, "How come?" And his uncle replied, "The Father of Jesus is very fond of me."

Manning goes on to share that if we truly believed that the Father is fond of us, there would be a serenity, a relaxedness, and a compassionate attitude towards ourselves that is a reflection of the Father's own tenderness. 

Life can be very unsettling but we have a Father who is fond of us.  I feel uncertain about a lot of things right now but I am certain that God is alive and active in my families life.  This blog is a story of His unfailing love and that increases my faith.  Whatever you may be fearful of, I pray that you would put your weight on the grace that is lavished upon you.  The fact that I am even applying to seminary is evidence of His hand in my life.  If nothing comes of it, that's fine. I am just thankful to be close to my Savior again.  By His grace, I will never push Him under the rug again.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

Merry Christmas! Try not to rob anyone!

Christmas time is here!  Last year my son sat on a blanket, drooling, while he watched me prance around the house decorating.  This year he joyfully toddles behind me ready to hang/gnaw on the unbreakable ornaments I've placed in his charge.  The look on his face when he saw the tree lit up for the first time was priceless.  Christmas is so much more fun with him.

As delightful as the holidays are, obstacles occasionally arise that challenge my joy.  I am certain that we all know what that feels like on some level.  In dealing with these obstacles, I have concluded that abiding in joy and peace is worth fighting for.  There are people in our lives that will try to rob us of our joy and I believe that it offends God to let them (Phil.4:4-8).  It is so easy to react to situations instead of fighting for what God has given us through His precious Son, Jesus Christ.

I did a study on Galatians last fall and the word "freedom" is used continuously.  The antagonist to freedom is sin.  Sin comes in many forms and someone always gets hurt.  All of our relationships will be affected by whether or not we walk in the freedom that Christ has called us into.   Galatians 5:6 says "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."  Our faith is meant to be expressed through love; a love that is pure and free from the hurtfulness of sin.  When we love without strings attached, there is such a freedom there.  I don't know about you but there are some people I would rather punch in the liver rather than love.  There are going to be moments of stress and possibly even anger this season.  I pray that we would fight hard for our faith to be expressed through love.

Having faith like a child is held up as the standard for faith according to Jesus.  My son follows me around the house with his unbreakable ornament because he loves me and because there is joy in what we are doing.  As a follower of Christ Jesus, our joy is complete in Him.  Our peace is complete in Him.  He has already fought for us to have that fullness.  I pray that we would all walk in such a manner as my sweet child.  We follow One who has brought joy to the world.  Don't let anyone rob that.   Galatians 5:1 tells us that, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm, and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Stand firm in the fullness of joy, peace, freedom, and love that Christ has called us into and be a blessing to those around you.

Merry Christmas! Try not to punch anyone is the liver!

*
I love practical advise.  How do I abide in joy and peace?  How do I not let others rob my joy?  I have a few ideas here.  Talk to Jesus a lot. If you need to step away for a bit in order to maintain your peace, do it.  If you can say a prayer in your heart while standing in front of someone you want to smack, do it (pray, not smack).  If you know you will be in a situation that will challenge your spirit, pray for future grace and spend some time reading 1 John, Galatians, a Psalm, or whatever you need.  Do what you need to do to abide in Christ; be proactive so that you don't find yourself merely reacting to a situation.  Own your thoughts, concerns, and behaviors and talk to Jesus about your thoughts, concerns, and behaviors.  Last semester I was asked to help write discussion questions for our study on Galatians.  I thought that I would share them here to give some immediate encouragement.  Feel free to post your answer and any other thoughts you may have.

The church in Galatia was struggling in their faith because there were some Jewish Christians who were teaching that salvation was through faith plus works.  They were stating that repenting from your sin and trusting Christ alone as your Lord and Savior was not enough.  You also had to follow all the 613 laws.  One of those laws involved "trimming"  cowboy parts (YOWZA!).  The church in Galatia began to believe these lies.  Paul writes to encourage them to stand firm in the truth, grace, and freedom that they have through faith in Christ alone.

Read through Galatians 1:1-10

1) What are your initial thoughts regarding this text?

2) What do we know about Paul from verses 1-3 and why do you think it’s significant that he opens the letter in this manner?

3) Read verses 6 &7

Where does your significance lie? Are there any areas of your life where you are placing your faith and worth in something other than Christ?

-example: serving in the Church

4) In verses 8 & 9, Paul uses the word “accursed”, or, “to be devoted to destruction” (NAS commentary), twice. Why is this significant?

5) Everyone wants to be accepted. Does anyone want to share how they have struggled with seeking favor from others over honoring God?

I'm sorry

I believed in Santa Clause till I was 11 years old.  I know.  My dad actually sat me down and told me that there was no Santa Clause.  Being the brainiac that I was, I looked up at him with tears in my eyes (seriously) and said, "I guess that means there's no Easter Bunny either?"  I was heartbroken.   I know I was too old to believe in Santa Clause but I didn't kiss a boy till I was almost 24...I'm just weird.

Having my rose colored glasses taken away from me that day was just the beginning.  The biggest difference in my life today verses 10 years ago is how I view humanity. I am certain that no one has "it" all together.  When people share struggles,  I'm usually not shocked because life is hard and walking with Jesus isn't easy.  It is His love that compels us.  Anything less won't stand against life's beatings.

Last month I shared that due to financial struggles, my husband and I had to sell our home.  A lot of folks had to do that the last few years.   The move was sad because we were losing our first home and because we built great relationships with other couples who were also starting a family.  We made some really great friends there.  The same month we found out I was pregnant and the next month we found out that the twins I was carrying didn't have a heartbeat.  That was rough.  Along with being broke, a few other painful things happened during this time that I don't feel comfortable sharing.   Those things almost cost me my faith.

I also wrote last month that I felt like God was punishing me.  I fully believed this even though it was an absolute lie.  I thought God was punishing me for not being in Church and for not serving in the Church like I once had.  That lie had great impact on me.  My husband shared similar feelings of being punished because of poor life choices in his younger years.  Our relationship with God during this time was bad.

I've heard people say that they felt the closest to God when they were experiencing pain.  I didn't feel that way.  I felt abandoned, angry, and abused.  I had the biggest fights with God during that season.  We tried going to Church but Evan and I were so beat up and hurt that it was hard to relate to other Christians.  I went through a real season of anger and I felt like a different person.  I was that miserable lady you see in line at the grocery store.  I had a constant sadness upon me.   As angry and hurt as I was, I couldn't turn away from my Lord.  I yelled at Him a lot but I didn't turn away.  There was one Scripture that I said as a prayer.  Even with a lot of bitterness, deep in my bones I couldn't escape knowing that what this Scripture proclaimed was Truth.  It was Psalms 121:
"I will lift my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.  The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever. "
I believe that God used this Scripture to keep me from going mad.  Another huge blessing during that season was how much Evan and I loved each other.  All of that pain only brought us closer together.   Even while we suffered a second miscarriage a year later, we stayed a team.

I don't know why all of that happened.  There are a few things I believe strongly now because it did happen however.   I believe that God's Word is very important because the Enemy's always at work with his lies.  I also believe that being connected with other believers is crucial.  Prayer, accountability, truth, love, and encouragement in the Lord are necessary for walking faithfully with our God.   I now see the offense and damage in my checking-out of the Church.  I have apologized to my Lord and I am now apologizing to my fellow believers in Christ.  I am sorry that I bailed on the Church dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please forgive me.   If Evan and I had been in Church, I am certain that the lies I believed would've been greatly challenged for our good and God's glory.

Most importantly, I strongly believe that my Savior, Jesus Christ, kicks ass.  The biggest ass-kicking occurred a long time ago when Christ looked death in the eye and walked out of the grave. Dang skippy.

My prayer in sharing all of this is to encourage other believers in the Lord.  We have an incredibly gracious, long suffering God.  If you have checked-out I encourage you to check back in.  If you're angry, hurt, or all together f***ed up, Christ has seen it all and you are not going to shock Him.  His grace is sufficient for those who believe.  What a wonderful God we serve.   

Sciatica, Livers, and Jesus

I went to my first Mommy and Me class the other night with my son and he absolutely loved it.  I have lower back problems so I had a hard time because the activities involved hurling him through the air.  The pain was endured however because I loved seeing his excitement.  As I played with my son, I noticed the other babies sitting or flying with absolute joy as drool flowed freely.   They were so enthralled that when one of them puked on themselves it only added to the collective excitement in the group.  We definitely couldn't take ourselves seriously while there.   We were grown women flinging our children around while dancing in circles to songs about spoons and pigs.  It could've easily been mistaken for some sort of middle class mommy/baby cult.  The only cult where half the members show up strapped to another human.  Welcome.

My son has blessed my life in so many ways.  There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he is a gift from God.  My husband and I went down a long road to get him here too.  Not long after Evan and I married, he had to close the company he and his father started.  Like a lot of people, things got so tough financially that we had to sell our home.  Around this time we found out that I was pregnant.  We were so excited and even though we were broke we were so happy.

Since we married, Evan and I hadn't been going to Church regularly.  Our relationship with Jesus was increasingly distant.  When I got pregnant, my faith was greatly encouraged and I knew I needed to get my heart right with the Lord.  Unfortunately, as I started my second trimester, we found out that not only was there no heartbeat but there were two babies with no heartbeat.  To say that we were devastated is an understatement.  I felt like a part of my heart had died.  I also felt like God was punishing me.  This lie from the pit didn't help matters.  While we were dealing with our loss, we were moving from a large home to a much smaller house.  I can now see that home as a blessing but at the time I was very sad and very overwhelmed.  Evan was working on our new place while dealing with kidney stones as well.  I know! It's like a Greek tragedy!   But don't worry, no one had their liver eaten by a vulture (Prometheus...anyone?).  Be encouraged!  I love my Lord Jesus and I praise Him.  There is more and it does get worse before it's gets better but it's important to know two things: 1) everyones liver is safe and 2) "The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever. "   I forgot this for a season but thankfully God is on His throne and always keeps watch over His children and their livers.  

I read a book recently and the writer made such an encouraging and convicting comment.  He said that we have so many blessings that surround us that if we didn't have them we would pay millions for them.  Because these blessings are given freely however, they go unnoticed.  My prayer is to be more like those happy, drooling babies; when things get messy there is still so much joy to take in.  Even when my sciatic nerve is pinched mercilessly and my shrieks frighten the other mothers, I will be grateful for my Lord, my son, and for my Ibuprofen.  God gives so freely in His gifts and His greatest gift is by far the love and sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ.   For the good, the bad, and the ugly, I pray my King is glorified.

Rabbit Children Scare Me

My husband and I volunteer in our son's Sunday School class every few weeks. We love volunteering in his class but one Sunday we were asked to serve in the 3 year old room.  We naively said yes and marched our servant-hearted selves down the Noah's Ark hallway.  What we didn't realize was that we would soon be in a place where drinking Jim Beam from a sippy cup would be necessary for survival .  I've cared for 3 year olds before and I know that they have a lot of energy but we walked into a class of rabbit children who appeared to be infected with rabies.  I call them "rabbit children" because they were bouncing everywhere!  It was chaos.  Evan and I looked at each other with total panic; our eyes communicated one thing, "RUN!!".  There were thousands of them (just 12).  It's all a blur but the ratio of a thousand (12) children to the 2 teachers seemed like some sort of twisted reality show.  The teachers, who had been there for hours,  looked like they just had a lobotomy.  Gone.  They were present but they were gone.  Children were running, bouncing, and laughing hysterically.  I saw one kid eating a brick!  It was all way too much.  We had just left a great sermon; our hearts were filled with God-centered teaching and worship.  I was now desirous of hard liquor.  After I pulled myself out of a stunned state, I started looking for a rabies vaccine and/or Benadryl and/or Jim Beam.   I did have some glue!  "No sniffing glue!" (There was a sign). Luckily, most of the hybrid rabbit children were taken away and we were only left with 3.

Life can be like hybrid rabbit children.  It can be unpredictable and frightening but it can also be exciting and joyful.  Life being unpredictable isn't always a bad thing.  When Evan started courting me at the end of 2004, I was going through a season of crap.  He was completely off my radar regarding marriage. Things had been really difficult in my life and I had planned since high school to be a preachers wife.  Evan was a Christian but he wasn't even going to Church regularly.  He was the complete opposite of what I had always planned on marrying.   Having said that, we dated for 5 weeks, got engaged, and married 6 months later.  

When Evan and I got married in 2005 he was running a successful company called Just Like Dad's that he and his Dad started.  It was a children's gift and apparel company that sold toddler boxers/briefs, toy shaving kits, and a line of children's recliners and rockers, all of which looked Just Like Dad's.  We were doing well and it was an exciting time.  Evan worked really hard and we were happily married.  Life was good.  Due to a couple of factors however, the company started to face some challenges.  Evan and his Dad fought hard to keep the doors open but we ultimately had to close the doors on Just Like Dad's.  All of a sudden, Evan was out of a job.  It was 2006, and unknown to us, we were heading into a recession that was going to give us a lashing.    

Evan has always been consistent in showing me love, adoration, and respect.  When he doesn't do those things an apology is right around the corner.  Even when life throws hybrid rabbit children at us, we get through it together.   Areas where I am weak, he is strong, and vise versa.   I've said it before and I'll say it again, marrying Evan was best decision I ever made.  The Lord is good. 

God showed up

Something I love to do in my marriage is end arguments with the statement: "You're right.  I'm wrong and I'm sorry."  I'm confused, I meant to say "hate" in that last sentence.    I'm very stubborn most of the time.  I find that I do well with humility at night...when I'm asleep!

Something I'm not proud to admit is that I don't pray on my knees very often.  My family and I had a big scare last week however that got me on my knees fast.  Without getting into details, unexpected events occurred that involved a judge making a decision that was very painful for my family.  For the first time in way too long, I got on my knees and made some serious supplications.   The next day the judge called a meeting.   My family was completely on edge.  We continued to pray (beg). 

In that meeting, the judge reversed her own judgement.

WTFW (WHAT THA FORREST WHITAKER!!!!!)

Apparently the judge has never done that...EVER.  The decision to reverse her own judgement changed everything for my family.  

The shock that we experienced both overjoyed and humbled us.  God is very present.  He knocked us on our tail last week with that Truth.  My faith can look more distant than personal unfortunately but the movement of God's hand in this situation has blown me away.  I'm still in shock.   

I learned a big lesson and it's regarding my will.  Time and again, I see that when I submit to the Lord, peace follows.  This is so contrary to my nature.  I want to control and over-think everything.  Submitting my heart, mind, and will to God is often way down on my list.  It's gross and it's the very opposite of what I claim to believe.  There was nothing to figure out regarding the events that occurred last week however.  All we could do was pray and we were praying about things that had already been decided.   It was terrifying, it was awful, and I hated it.  Guess who showed up?  God answered our prayers and He said yes.   

What amazes me about God is that He never gives up on His children.  There's a scene in Forrest Gump when Lt. Dan has his fist to God, cursing Him during a violent storm.   I think we've all been there.  I know I have.  I wasn't leg-less (thank ya Jesus) hanging off a boat but I was weeping and screaming in my car.   When things are super crappy, He is present and He loves us (though we may not feel that He does).   The continued lesson the Lord teaches me is that He wants me to trust His ways even when everything is crap.   That's not easy for me though.  I need to spend more time on my knees in prayer.  

I am grateful for the love and mercy God has shown me and my family.  God knows that life is hard.   He wants us to trust Him and to obey Him.  He wants us to walk in peace and we won't if we continue in stubborn shenanigans (yeah, i said it.).  Let's all struggle well in His grace and stop being such horses pa-toots (visualize Chris Farley falling on a table).  

I have read in Plato and Cicero sayings that are wise and very beautiful; but I have never read in either of them: Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden.

-St. Augustine

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

-Isaiah 41:10