I am so bad at blaming my husband for anything that goes wrong. I may not say it but I'm thinking it. I was alone last week and opened a ketchup packet that went everywhere. It took me a good twenty minutes to convince myself that it wasn't my husband's fault. He wasn't even in the car! Evan puts up with a lot. I'll be thinking about something and finish the thought out-loud and then expect him to know what the heck I'm talking about. When he looks at me like I have an arm growing out of my forehead I get irritated because he clearly wasn't listening. Here is a common scenario: My sister Angela might send me a text saying "When you coming to Texas?" I will then look at Evan and say, "I think mid April would be perfect." This is when the arm begins to grow out of my head. A common phrase in our home is, "what are we talking about?". He's also had to learn to speak Ashley. I tend to confuse my words. Evan is always asking me where stuff is. In my head, I'll be telling him to look in his closet for the lost item but if I have recently used the microwave, I'll tell him to look in the microwave.
Evan- Where are my shoes?
Me -Look in the microwave.
Evan- What?
Me- (irritated) You know what I mean!
Evan- So....where?
Me- The closet!!
His fault, not mine. He should be speaking crazy...I mean Ashley, by now. My husband and I are perfect together. We're both stubborn but somehow apologies are made and all is well. Since Evan and I have returned to church we've had some good conversations about the Lord. Something that we both really value in people is honesty. We've been having a continued discussion on honesty and how unity can be born out of it. We've also been discussing how pastors influence honesty and unity in the Church.
In the summer of 2001 I lived in Paris. My friend Whitney was also in France getting school credit for being awesome in France. She was in law school at the time. She was actually in Strasbourg which is right on the French/ German border. One weekend, I was able to take a beautiful train ride from Paris to Strasbourg to meet Whit. She and I, along with some classmates, then took a train through the Black Forrest to Baden Baden, Germany. Germany is very clean, beautiful, and expensive.
I have so many great memories of sitting in cafes journaling, sipping espresso, and smoking very romantic French cigarettes. Oh, the romance of it all! Paris, cafe's, smoking, it was a package deal in my mind. Little did I know that that "romance" would turn into a hard core habit. Up until a year and a half ago, I smoked off and on for 8 years. I would go 6 months without smoking and then something would happen and I would buy a pack of cigarettes. Well, in the Spring of 2004 I was dealing with a relapse. My mentor knew about my struggle as did the people I served with at the church but the young lady I discipled didn't know. One afternoon when she was scheduled to come over, I had had a few cigarettes. As I prepared for her visit I became incredibly convicted to share my struggle with her. I didn't want to!!! I was in a position of authority in the church and I felt like crap already for dealing with this disgusting habit! I was embarrassed and didn't want to ruin the image she had of me. By the time she got there, I knew what I had to do. With tears rolling down my face, I shared my struggle. I was so embarrassed and ashamed but Kristen responded with absolute grace and love. God greatly used that to bless our relationship and our time in His Word. My ego took a hit but we both learned a lesson in grace that afternoon that still blesses my heart.
"There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future."
-St. Augustine
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."
James 5:16
James 5:16
2 comments:
I think honesty & transparency breed the same. The people I respect and love the most have this in abundance! I think if we really look at Jesus' recorded time on earth, it gives us a great model and all of us (pastors or not) should be modeling HIM! I try to remember that everyone has a past and the more "plastic" they seem the more stuff is probably behind that mask! Let's toast those brave enough to let the mask down this St. Patrick's Day! Love you Ashley!
First, let me say, as a man who has dealt with being sent on the hunt for small objects into insufficiently described territory by women, that the experience has the same appeal as an impromptu, amateur splenectomy with a jagged knife made of salt. If you can't give him a map with GPS coordinates, save you both some sanity and don't send him.
I'm with you on the pastors. This is one of my biggest complaints about big churches: the unthinkableness of the flaws of leadership when standing before thousands of people. Dozens, or even hundreds, no problem.
My brother has done a lot of research about our culture's model of celebritism, and how it's universally destructive. You said it, girl. No place for celebrities in the church.
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